My Little Wall

My little brick wall stands infront of me with you on the other side.

At times I just want to kick the wall down and I toy with the idea but then realize it is better as it stands.

Other times I jump on the wall and do a jig as it holds me up, I know I am okay because it is still there supporting me. So you can see me as my normal self, almost whole, but the wall is still there.

Some times I hide behind it because I feel that is where I belong, it protects me. Though I know there will be a time when that wall has to be crossed.

Maybe one day you will cross my wall. Be the one that comes for me and lets me know that I don't need it. That you need me, the whole me.

But then I think it was never you who was supposed to come for me. You were just there to make me realize that I had this wall. Maybe you are this extra step to make me think that I might soon be ready, for what I am not sure.

Maybe you are an accomplishment that I was always supposed to reach, to realize the potential of finally crossing that wall.

And maybe, just maybe, it was never you that I was going to leave my wall for. Maybe it was for him.

Maybe.

What? There isn't much to look at, just my confidence splattered on the floor.
Oh, and see that mushy pile over to the right.

No, not that one, the grey-bluie one.

Ya that one, well that is my heart it's kinda bashed up right now.

The one you first pointed too, the pinkie-brown one,
yeah well that was my intellect.

Well there are those bright shiny tiles, that are keeping the mushes together and preventing them from seeping through the cracks.

What are they? you say.

Those are my friends.

I know that I am losing myself,
I face it in the mirror everyday.

This is stronger than once thought,
I need more but not this.

Dreamless sleep is all I have, because the good dreams no longer exist.
I see what this is, what is always was.

There is no longer a maybe, there was always a never was.
I can see this through, but what will be left of me...

I have NOOO title bar - sad face...

Me doing a cartwheel - happy face...

Burnt nose - scrunchy face - ouch...

Mark knows - Shock face...

Cracking jokes about certain situations - death stare (ha! almost death star but not quite... suckers)

Best friend and I realizing what a dillhole he is - I KNOW! face

La bouche coming for tea tonight - wicked happy face

Oh yeah... I am watching you - face...