It's nice to be wanted
although you picked the wrong time.
You took too long.
You want it "your" way not "our" way.
It can't happen like that.
I can't do that to myself
and I won't.

But then I see you and smile.
Big hands, big gestures and lame jokes and you just get under my skin.
I think of the similarities and the challenges and I look forward.
Then I realize forward is somewhere else, without you.

Well maybe just a bit of you.

Dark circles to match continuing non-sleep.
Maybe coffee will fix it but maybe that's the problem.
Spilled guts over coffee and tea creates ulcers that cause more episodes of drama.
A brain ulcer, yeah that's it.
Though it's not, it's just a term to fix overthinking or atleast justify it.
Maybe it's just time to quit, but I am not a quitter.
Just a sinner in terms of my personal demons.

Or maybe there is nothing wrong at all and that's the problem.

A little sleep deprived,
a little too genuine.
Crying doesn't do the trick,
it's just water with feelings.
So what to make of this situation?
Is it addiction or a catalyst,
pretty scary not knowing.
There will be no 2nd chance,
there shouldn't have been a first.
Say goodbye to the former self.

Adieu