I am what I am and I can't change...
I promise myself but who am I to judge, I can't change what I have had there for years.
So if I make the same mistake, the big one and hurt myself again, there will be a time when I learn. I just don't know when that time will come and how bad things need to get before I make that change.
Do I need an irreversable hurt or has that already happened. Strength does not measure self worth though I wish it did.
The thing with hurting the brain through embarrassment or courage or anger you can always rememeber them.
Hurting the heart is a different matter, you can't remember it.
Not when the desire for something more begins to conquer it.

I wish today that I wasn't a fishing line...

That I couldn't be dragged back to a place I realized I never wanted to be in the first place.
Just be nice to me it's the least I deserve after all this...

Hiding behind the feeling of lost, does not change the present situation of stuck.
Blaming the other seems like a source of reality when all it has been is an excuse.
An excuse from the person that has to grow and move on.
The other was never about the person but just the feeling that was longed to have.
It could have been anyone as long as it took the mind away from the larger problems to be faced. Now there can be no time for that other, so now what?
What becomes of the person that was before and what might potentially be again.
Is there growth from this personal account or is it discarded completely.
Is the idea to pretend that it never existed or is it embraced and used to understand the complications of why it happened in the first place.
Was it supposed to happen or just a sick joke from the idea of the greater good that is to be my life.

My life, that defines it as mine, what a joke. Like there is ever a choice.